Volume 1 Issue 1

CONFLICT - A Necessary Evil?
Conflict is not a fight, conflict is opportunity to resolve and grow...

Most people would like to live their lives without conflict, but to be human is to experience conflict. Whether at home or at work, we are constantly faced with disagreements, misunderstandings and hurt feelings; that's just part of life.

Conflict occurs when the needs, wants, beliefs, opinions and/or feelings of one person contradict those of another. Simply put, conflict happens when there is a difference between what we have and what we want or need.

Most managers and employees deal with conflict inappropriately. The reason? Conflict always involves emotions. Fear, feelings of anger, outrage and frustration are emotions commonly experienced between people involved in a conflict. These emotions then surface and become the driving force of our communication. We become defensive, even aggressive and some of us simply avoid dealing with the issue altogether. We withdraw hoping the conflict will miraculously resolve itself.

In addition to the emotional content, most of us view conflict as an argument, a confrontation or a fight. This perception further fuels the use of our emotions because of a need to defend and argue our position or avoid the conflict out of fear. When we allow feelings and perceptions to dominate our efforts to resolve conflict, the results are disastrous; the behavior takes over and we lose sight of the "true" objective; resolution.

Benefits of conflict
Conflict is not only inevitable; it's also beneficial. Conflict can be used as a tool to:

Conflict makes us aware that what we have, is different than what we want or need. It presents an opportunity to express our thoughts, opinions and feelings openly. It gives us a forum to come together and function as a team. It allows us to share our perspective and develop a better understanding of others and ourselves. It stimulates interest and curiosity and fosters creativity. Conflict helps prevent stagnation and complacency by forcing us to come up with new and innovative solutions to difficult situations. For example, most performance and process improvements occur because of a conflict. The conflict causes us to challenge the status quo and find better ways to produce and service our clients. In a nutshell, conflict is a catalyst for change and organizational renewal.

The key to using conflict in its most productive form is knowing how to manage it to positive resolution. In other words, the way we choose to communicate within a conflict has everything to do with how well the conflict is resolved. When we become aggressive, defensive or decide to remove ourselves from the situation in order to avoid any sense of responsibility and ownership, we make matters worse. We also run the risk of damaging our relationships with the very people who help us achieve our goals and objectives.

From now on, let us not think of conflict as a confrontation or a fight. Let's think of it as an opportunity to resolve and grow. With that realization, we can begin to focus our attention on the real crux of the matter rather than simply reacting negatively. The next step is to disallow our emotions from influencing the way in which we communicate. The suggestion here is not to suppress our feelings but recognize that responding emotionally to a conflict greatly decreases the likelihood of successfully resolving it. Remember that awareness is the key to change; we cannot change anything until we become aware of the need for change.

Not getting what we want or need creates stress and anxiety and that is a barrier we could certainly do without, but wishing we could live without conflicts by avoiding discussing them openly is the true barrier. Our attitude is the obstacle, not the conflict.